Kingdom Stupidity
by The Uber Otaku
Summary: What happens when Axel throws a party for the KH cast? Sora gets molested! Sephiroth and Cloud have a drinking contest! Yuffie is related to Rock Lee! Want more? Then read and find out! Rated T just to be safe. No flames please.
1. The Fun Begins

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN KINGDOM HEARTS! SO BACK, BACK I SAY! (Swats away lawyers with Masamune.)

Sephy: GIVE IT BACK!

Uber Otaku: NEVER! MWAHAHAHAHA!

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"Riku? Kairi? Hey, what's your hand—No! Don't touch me there! AHHHHHHH!" "Come on Sora, you know you like it." "NO I DON'T!" "Riku, get the ropes!"

I suppose you're wondering why Riku and Kairi are molesting Sora. Well, let's start from the beginning.

To celebrate the overwhelming success of KH 2's sales, Axel decided to throw a party. All of the KH characters where going to be there! There would be drinks, and games…and drinks.

"La la la la laaa!" sang Axel as he mailed out the invitations. "It's gonna be grrrrreat!" Suddenly, Tony the Tiger popped out. "That's my line!" he yelled as he punched Axel out—or _tried _to punch him out. Remember? Big flaming wheels? Yeah, that usually—OH MY GOD!!! JESUS, MAN OWWW! THAT HAS GOT TO HURT! Ooooh… Axel better prepare himself for a lawsuit.

At the party… 

"So, Sora, why don't we go do something _fun_?" asked Kairi as she sauntered over to him. Then Riku popped out of nowhere. "He's mine," whispered Riku to Kairi, "and if you touch him, you die!" She then whispered back "We'll see about that."

Fortunately, Sora heard nothing of the conversation. "Sure Kairi. Yuffie brought Twister!" For a moment Kairi's eyes glowed with hope, and just a hint of pervertedness. All that happiness was soon gone when Sora asked Riku "Why don't you join in too?" Riku cooly answered, "Sure. It's kinda dorky, but it's a party." On the inside, however, Riku was yelling "_Yeah! I'm gonna play twister with Sora! Once he sees my moves, he'll be all, 'I love you Riku! And I hate you Kairi!' Oh yeahhhh."_

Elswhere, Cloud and Sephiroth were having a drinking contest. "I won't lose to you Sephiroth!" yelled Cloud. Sephy answered back "Come now Cloud, we all know that the darkness will win! Plus, you can't hold your liquor." "Oh, right," said Cloud as he went into flashback mode.

_**After winning a great battle, all the SOLDIERs had a party. "Come on Cloud, loosen up!" said Zack when he was trying to get Cloud to have some beer. Sephiroth then said the one thing that he knew would get him to drink until he needed a liver trasplant: "I drink too." In an instant, Cloud yelled, "Get me a beer!" **_

_**Everyone watched as Cloud started to take the first sip. They all wanted to see his reaction. The beer slid down his throat and… WHAM! He was on the ground, out cold. **_

_**All the SOLDIERs started laughing and making fun of him. One guy even started to draw on Cloud's face. His crotch had a very painful meeting with the Masamune. Half of the men in the room had their hands over their little SOLDIERs. The other half were in a fetal position gently whispering, " Can't sleep, clown will eat me." **_

_**Sephy was thinking about how they were all going to pay for laughing at his Cloudy-poo. In his mind he devised an evil plan that involved an alien, a girl, materia, and some off time in Las Vegas.**_

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Well, it's the end of the first chapter of my first story! Please review, and since I'm a newbie, no flames please! Constructive criticism is welcome, though.


	2. Weird

I DON'T OWN KINGDOM HEARTS! GO AWAY! (Swats away lawyers with Buster Sword)

Cloud: Give it back! You already have the Masamune!

Uber Otaku: Finder's keeper's, loser's weeper's! (Uber Otaku hops on Fenrir and rides away)

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"Leeeeeeooooooon! Why won't you go out with me?" asked Yuffie as she was talking to Leon. "Get some longer hair," he replied," and then we'll talk."

"Why? What's wrong with it now?" she asked. "Well…" Leon hesitated, "It-it-it-it-it-it-it-i-" BAM! At that point, Cid whacked Leon with a stick. "OW! But thanks anyway." "Anytime!" said Cid. "Now, it looks like Marluxia needs some whackin'!" BAM! Marluxia yelled, but no one really cared. "Alright, you can do this, even if it will make her break out into tears." Leon told himself. "Yuffie, your haircut is a bowl cut, therefore…YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE RELATED TO ROCK LEE!" he screamed.

"BY THE FLAMES OF YOUTH, I DON'T LOOK LIKE ROCK LEE! YOSH!" cried Yuffie, thus proving she _was_ related to Rock Lee.

Then, out of nowhere ROCK LEE poofed in! Well, not really out of nowhere. It turns out Kiba was hosting a party next door, so Lee just threw a smoke bomb and came in through the door. "Yuffie!" he yelled. "After ten long years I have found you again! Come home, father is waiting!" Then Gai suddenly poofed in! "THIS IS SUCH A WONDERFUL REUNION!!" "LEE!" "GAI SENSEI!!" "LEE!!!" "GAI SENSEI!!!!" "LE-" WHACK! "He needed some whackin'." said Cid. So Yuffie then screamed, "I lost you once, SO I CAN LOSE YOU AGAIN!" she threw a smoke bomb and started to run as fast as possible because she can't use chakra either. 'Cause she SUCKS! Ahem, sorry about that.

After Yuffie ran out of the door, Axel and Demyx decided to light the candles, but were interrupted when Ansem walked over. Then Ansem asked Axel, "Why are you lighting candles on a cake even though this isn't a birthday party?" "23." answered Axel. Then Ansem replied, "I get it now!" _"Yeah, so do I!"_ thought Demyx. In the room's opposite corner, Roxas was wondering if 1.) He missed something, or 2.) If they were just total idiots. He was going to take the second answer.

"Right then, EVERYBODY GET OVER HERE NOW!" screamed Demyx, in a very un-Demyx way. Everyone stopped what they were doing and went over to where Demyx was standing. Cloud and Sephiroth stopped their drinking contest, Cid stopped whacking people with a stick, and Riku and Kairi even stopped trying to grope Sora.

Axel didn't have any matches, so he tried to light the candles using a flame thrower-type attack. Unfortunately, Marluxia was in the way of the flames, so he was set on fire. MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA! (I'm evil. XD)

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! Someone help! Someone with a guitar-thing and a lame haircut, use a water attack to put out these flames!" All of the Organization XIII members asked themselves, _"Who has a guitar-thing and a lame haircut and can use water attacks?"_ The Organization XIII members, however, were all idiots, so Cid and his stick sprung into action!

Wham. Wham! Bam! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! By now, the flames had been put off, but Cid kept on going! BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM! During this whole thing, Marluxia was flailing around wildly because of the severe can of whup-ass Cid had opened on him. Then he had started moving less and less. But, during the last few "BAM's", he had stopped moving completely. Then Cid stopped and said, "I'm sorry, but I think he's dead." A moan was heard Marluxia, but Cid's stick took care of that.

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Sorry to all of my…two fans! The update took so long because of the Science Fair! Most of my projects are done, so the chapters should start coming out faster.


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